Days 21, 22 & 23…An Update, Waiting Defiance and A Pep Talk…

I know.  Really, I know.  I can’t even comment about it anymore…I get fed up with writing about waiting, and instead of coming up with a wanting-it-to-be-really-cool-but-conceeding-its-kind-of-lame post at the last minute, I get defiant, and don’t write a post.  Then I follow up said behavior the next day with feeling guilty about it, and read some of the blogs belonging to all the other 700 bloggers doing this project who keep up with their daily writing.  Cue then another wave of guilt and indifference…

Welcome to my procrastinating ways, people…

I have an small update regarding my waiting progress.
I got the most un-lovely piece of email an actor likes to receive…
yep, you got it – the rejection letter.

After my not so amazing audition for a local opera company, in which I proceeded to blank out on the words to a popular Italian opera aria that’s been in my repertoire for over 10 years (translation: it’s like someone forgetting the words to The Sound of Music’s ‘Do,Re,Mi’ at a musical theatre audition), I received a “just not enough room for you, thank you for auditioning, but….NO THANKS) email.

Someone once told me the quote:  “If your not being rejected, you’re not reaching far enough”

I hope he was only talking about auditioning, and not about life.  If that’s a true statement, then I’ve done amazingly this audition season.  I’ve blanked out twice in auditions (something I’ve never done before), and received 4 rejections in the past 2 months…In New York City, where one auditions more than that in a week, and you have numerous audition opportunities, that would be not such a big deal.  However, in the DFW area, if you have 3 or 4 auditions for theatre work in a 2 month period, that’s sadly considered a ton of auditions, and to continually botch these few and far between opportunities is discouraging to say the least.  Of course, given that my husband and I will most likely be leaving for a short period of time, and I hopefully will be returning to school for a semester or two, I shouldn’t be saddened by this – it would seem the Big G has other short term plans for me.   But whether you have a chance to create art on the stage once, or perhaps 8 times in a year, any chance that is dashed to do so makes this gal a bit melancholy.
     When I lived in New York and on the east coast, and auditioning and performing was my full time profession, I remember having the tenacity and strength of a Marine (ok, perhaps that’s just selective memory, but I honestly did try)…I did my best to keep on trudging through the dry spells, remembering my rejection had no bearing of the worth of my talent, and happily anticipating the next audition challenge around the corner…  I suppose age, a few hard knocks, a couple of extra pounds (let’s not forget the image based business/society we live with), and the lack of constant community with my fellow performers has worn me down a bit…
    But I’m nothing if not doggedly determined…
This Active Waiting journey is again reminding me to stay the course, continue my training, be excited for the next audition, and remember one of the most important lessons I learned.   My favorite teachers and fellow acting professionals have always said  the best artists are the one who have full lives. While they may eat and sleep singing and acting, they are careful to have a full and active life away from their profession, so as to not only obviously to keep their lives richly varied and full, (and keep  perspective and proper balance in their life & work) but to help add  the necessary depth and color to theirart when they are given chances to do it.
    I don’t know when my next performing opportunity in theatre will come.  But I know I will continue to embrace my wonderful God given circumstances, coach often and diligently with my teachers, and look forward to my future auditions – whether there’s one in a few weeks, or not for many months.  And what a wonderful opportunity to practice Active Waiting in a happy and fruitful way!
source:lauragoins.blogspot.com

 

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