I hate the fact that I’ve only blogged in spurts and starts these past few months, but the truth is, there’s a reason for that. I’m writing alot more by hand and a lot less on the internet these days, because, life has seemed to be dealing me and my family heaping doses of loss in the suffocating heat of summer. I don’t want this to be a pity party of any kind, but I’m also not here to air any dirty laundry or family secrets. I made a promise to myself when I started this blog to find a way to write the truth of my life out while also fiercely respecting the privacy of my friends and family. I wish I could write with the candor and bravado of writers I love, like Glennon Melton or Sarah Bessey. As I continue to grow in my writing practice, perhaps I’ll find the balance that works for me, while still giving you words that sparkle and sing.
All that to say, my heart is grieving the impending loss of another family member, and it has hit me hard. There are various aspects to the situation that have made it a little more difficult than usual (sorry I’m being cryptic, but I think you understand), and my words have dried up, except when they pour into the pages of my leather-bound journal. I have also been doing my best to write down my gifts of gratitude in my happy list to help me keep the faith, and perhaps I will share those with you here soon. (Its been awhile since I’ve shared that kind of post, and I think its needed).
For now, know I’m not writing about the waiting and the grief, and the lingering smell of her perfume in the air and not eating at all only to grab the bag of caramel popcorn and the fear of walking through the door of another funeral home and reading Madeleine’s life giving words once again and feeling so much exhaustion I feel drugged and the sweet glass of rose wine shared with a life-long friend on a sweltering summer night and the most supportive husband in the world and the piles of prayers I’ve offered up next to one of my last living immediate family members and the multitudes of moments and thoughts swirling through my mind with such ferocity that I can only tumble them onto the page without punctuation.
I’ll be back here soon to share more music, interviews and the inspiration of life, but I need to be by the side of my loved ones while we pray and love and grieve.
Thank you again, dear readers, for the gift of grace.